Something I read a few years ago that really hit home to me is that confidence isn’t necessarily a feeling that we get and then we take action to do a thing we feel uncertain or insecure about.  That actually it’s the other way around.  That by taking action and doing the thing is how we begin  to build confidence.  

So often I hear about how someone feels they lack confidence or if only they felt confident about doing something, or wearing something, or trying something then they could do the thing.  From a body image perspective it comes up often. It usually sounds something like “I feel so insecure and unconfident so I’m not going to…”  

Have you ever thought about something like that before? I know I have because. It’s very normal to have this thought because usually when we feel insecure or uncertain we also have some fear.  It’s ok to have some fear about doing something outside of your comfort zone which is really what we are talking about.  Lacking confidence is all about feeling uncomfortable. 

I find it empowering to flip the script on a very normal thought experience like” I will take action once I feel confident”  but instead use “ I will take action which will help me feel more confident”.  When you avoid doing something it will only beget more anxiety and avoidance which will continue you in that cycle of not feeling confident. 

Being able to root yourself in the knowledge that to build confidence you have to take action and probably get a little scared.  Challenging these beliefs and behaviors can help you build the confidence you desire. 

You might be reading this nodding your head or going huh that sounds easier said than done.  To be honest with you, this is hard stuff and you may even have clocked that this is a very CBT process.  As a somatic therapist I will agree this is definitely CBT but I do like to pull the body into the process. Which is my approach to taking something that feels really hard and being able to put it into action.

When you can identify and interpret the signals your body is sending you when you find yourself avoiding doing something then you can begin to meet your body where it is and figure out how to get yourself what you need.  At the end of the day your body is always communicating with you trying to get its needs met; sometimes we just aren’t so great and interpreting those signals.

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1. Identify your Insecurity: I would encourage you to identify something you feel you lack confidence in.  Make it a smaller thing at this point one that doesn’t have so much emotion attached to it that way even here you get to practice building confidence on building confidence!

2. Get Connected: Take a moment to center and ground your body. You could try placing both feet flat on the floor, and take a few rounds of breaths.  As you’re taking a few rounds of breath you may even begin to notice what sensations you begin to experience in your body you might even lay your palms over your chest noticing the rise and fall of your breath and with every exhale  sending your breath down towards your feet allowing it to settle like a mist 
3. Naming your Emotion: As you’re taking this moment to Center yourself begin identifying what emotions you may be experiencing once you have the name of your emotion you may begin to gently ask your emotion why are you here and what do you need
4. What do you need:  once your emotion has been identified and you learn the purpose of your emotion and what your emotion needs you can begin meeting your need this part can be a little tricky and you might have to play around with a few variations of how to meet your need it might be some words of affirmation or nurturing response to doing something kind for yourself that is caregiving or maybe it’s permission that is okay to fail but once more it’s going to be unique to you and your need
5. Regulating:  once you’ve been able to meet your emotions need your need know that you’re not all the sudden going to feel confident this is the pre-work that you’re doing to be able to Resource and regulate so that you can now go take action to go do the thing that makes you feel insecure or  lacking confidence
6. Action: Now as you are doing the thing taking the action again and again this is how you begin to build the belief and the competence that you need to experience with so many in yourself probably will call confidence

 So go ahead give it a go because  it’s in the action which is where confidence lies .That  action is really just practice.